My Emotions Get in My Way! Help!

Ariane, over the past 20 years I have been on every single diet you can imagine. I have lost and gained hundreds of pounds over the years and I finally understand what and how I need to eat to lose fat permanently. I have dropped 65 pounds in the last 2 years and am continuing to lose. But, what has always been getting in my way is my emotions. The moment I get upset about something I just want to eat. I go for the sugar, starches, and for anything in my sight that stops fat burning. I feel guilty afterwards, of course, and then I try to clean up what I did by exercising more and eating clean. It just seems to be this nagging cycle of being “good” and then losing it and I’m so entirely sick of it that I’m often asking myself why I even bother to try to lose more weight. I know that my emotions are in my way of reaching my goal (of 30 more pounds) and feeling good about myself but I just can’t get a grip on them. Do you have any advice? 

Thanks, Brooke

Brooke,

I have worked with thousands of women and men looking to lose weight. At the core of most people’s challenge to keeping a balanced diet and a healthy body is emotional eating. Let’s face it – after you learned how fat burning is done, after you know how to put together meals and fire up your metabolism, you really should be seeing a quick change in your body fat and body shape, right? Well, if it was that easy then we’d all be slim, strong and happy – but we’re not. We are humans with emotions and our emotions are closely linked to the food we eat. Not just because our parents may have pacified us with a lollipop when we were sad or maybe our aunt was always the one offering us the candy jar when we visited and felt bored. 

These are behaviors that we have learned early on and may now be deeply rooted in our subconscious – always kicking up when we least want them. Some of us grew up without sugar but may have learned over time that sugar and starches make us feel good. These foods actually do make us feel good from a biochemical standpoint. Sugar and starch increase your serotonin level, a neurotransmitter that’s directly linked to your mood. So, don’t be surprised that you crave these foods when the going gets tough or in the days before your period. It’s only natural, but how you respond to these cravings is the key to your success.

I suggest you try the following when you have a sweet/starch craving. Ask yourself "What is it that I really want?" If the answer is that you are truly hungry then a balanced meal of protein and veggies is the right choice. However, if the answer is any of the following: I want to reduce my stress, I want to procrastinate doing this task, I feel lonely, I feel tired, I am angry, I am sad, etc then food is not the answer as it would only be a short-term band-aid. After you eat the sweets and starches your needs will still be there – plus the extra calories. Eating that bowl of Ben & Jerry's when you're really in need of a chat with your friend to talk things over will not only make you feel bloated, tired and guilty, but you're also gaining weight over time just because you didn't deal with the issues that made you want to eat in the first place.

You need to re-train yourself to make the distinction between hunger for food and hunger for emotional needs. Once that distinction is made and you act on satisfying the true need, then the food option is rarely chosen anymore because you realize it isn’t going to fix the problem.

Another way to tell if you're emotional eating is if you constantly choose foods that make you feel ill afterwards, - high-sugar foods (cookies, chocolate, pies, etc) or very dense starches, such as potatoes, pizza, pasta and rice. These foods boost serotonin levels temporarily and can make you feel better - until you feel the low blood sugar effects about 1-3 hours after eating them. Again, you’re going for the quick fix without realizing that tackling the issue that made you want to pig out needs to be addressed.

We can keep ourselves from emotional eating once we realize that foods are never a long-term solution.

Stopping emotional eating is a process and doesn't happen overnight. It requires awareness of what makes you eat and then the ability to stop the behavior and replace it with something healthier. That is in fact easier said than done. What helps is the focus on how good you will feel and look once you have a clean diet, a body you can be proud of and the confidence you will enjoy – And, perhaps a good to-do list that helps you identify the stressors in your life that keep hitting you hard. Change the stress triggers and see how your desire for food changes.

Another issue may also be the environment in which you live. If you have a job that you absolutely despise and the only thing that makes you feel better is to stick your hand in the candy jar of your coworker, then chances are you’re not going to stop that unless the stress factor changes. Just spending 20 minutes on a pro-active job search would likely eliminate your desire for sweets because you’re tackling your discomfort. So, go ahead and create your list of stressors that typically make you want to pig out. Then, develop 2 to 3 steps you can take to address them (other than eating). You’ll find that your mind isn’t a one-way track into the fridge after all and your creativity will be your saving grace from the size XXXL pants.

Good luck! Ariane